Tuesday, September 13, 2016

50 Shades Dumber

This Valentine's Day, forget the past and slip into something a shade darker...

...because, hey, nothing says "romance" like an abused woman.



The first trailer for the movie adaptation of Fifty Shades Darker, the sequel to E.L. James' Fifty Shades of Grey (one of the best selling novels of all time) just blessed us with it's presence. Be still, my perverted heart.


I usually try to approach things with some level of tact (believe it or not). I'm attempting to do so now, but do not doubt that my position on the book has already bled through the virtual pages of your screen, even in just the few sentences above. I'll try harder. I promise. Just don't punish me. Please. I beg you.


It's no surprise that Christians tend to take issue with this series. After all, we're backwater flatworlders that only have sex in the missionary position, right? Sure (more on this later). But what should really surprise us is that so many women who would otherwise consider themselves perfectly progressive feminists do not. Let me explain.



Here's the basic synopsis (spoiler alert):

A young woman with low self esteem falls for a guy that has no romantic interest in her. She agrees to sleep with him because he's at least interested in her sexually and his validation makes her feel better about herself. He repeatedly assures her that he doesn't love her, but she stays with him anyway because, ultimately, she's sure that she can change him.

Let's not even include the part where he beats her with a belt. Just the premise of the story itself should be enough to make anyone who believes women should be strong, independent, and not need a man to be happy barf all over their lavender throw pillow. I mean, c'mon! The only way it could get worse would be for him to be insanely controlling, like regulating her diet and tying her up.... wait....


The bottom line isn't that the movie is wrong because it includes sexual fetishes. If you and your spouse are into handcuffs and blindfolds, fine and dandy. God doesn't care. In fact, he made sex to be fun. Just stretch first so you don't pull a hamstring. Yes and amen. That's not the problem with the series. Everything else is


It's not sexy. It's abusive.


Turn away your eyes from me,
    for they overwhelm me —
My dove, my perfect one…
…who is this who looks down like the dawn,
    beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun?
- Song of Solomon

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